These terrible days

For the time being, i want to let my tears roll down. But i cannot do that, otherwise, i will look down upon myself with endless scorn. But i, having been lose my smile for the recent three days, feel sad and frustrated. I’m tired, or rather, dreading the loathsome intensive physical training. Now i extremely regret returning to the team. But it has happened. And now i cannot do it by halves, though it is disgusting and painful. But i hv right to express my bitter. I know i am always a misery! Something little or trivial will take me out of the earthly world and lock me in the dack and humid prison!
During the whole long-running process, my brain got blank! The only one thought hovering in my mind is praying for a quick end of this devil path! However, several parts included are still waiting for me! More terrible than the nightmare!