not a big deal?

Five years later, it is not a big deal! I am maltreating and punishing myself! These days i feel so moody that i cannot do anything well, feeling down from A to Z. What’s wrong? What’s the matter with myself? So bad! I cannot calm down myself. Maybe having been playing a role as a ostrich for two years, i have forgotten how to turn back to be a goshawk! I have lost the courage of overlooking the whole land from sky. What should the gesture of soaring be like? Burying my head in sand for a long time, i have lost my prospective about the world, about the interrelation, about the people, about the life! Living like a mummy, losing the soul, controlled by a dead body, what’s the meaning about myself?

What i fear about is very what i am weak at! That’s why i hate speaking lesson as well as the teacher. I feel disgusting for my existing gesture, very disgusting and even angry!!!!